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The Secrets of Letting go of what's holding you back that every Successful Female Needs to Know

Beyond Common Tracey Watts Cirino Blog


Tracey Watts Cirino Blog

The Secrets of Letting go of what's holding you back that every Successful Female Needs to Know!

By Tracey Watts Cirino

I am so excited to discuss ways you can cut ties and say goodbye to unwanted habits, thoughts, clients, staff, vendors, even friends, and family who don't support you. If you'd like to get more clients and make space for the right clients and people who value your vision and help you grow your sales and your profitability, you are going to learn some exciting secrets for how to let go of the things and people that no longer serve you or your life purpose, and your mission.  

These secrets will let you will make space for more joy and happiness in your life and welcome it into your home!

I know this can kind of be like a heavy topic and sometimes people are a little stressed by this. 

Oftentimes, we don't make space for reflection and evaluating what relationships that we want to put more attention and time into. We keep doing the same thing. And we all know that the definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing, thinking we're going to get a different result. We oftentimes get caught up in this loop that we're unaware of because we don't take that step back to evaluate or re-evaluate what's working and not working.

I know this is not very glamorous.  This is one of the dirty secrets of being successful in business.

This is not the sexy side and not rainbows and sunshine. This one is definitely a little bit hard to walk through. And, sometimes you might need some support, even therapy for this one, so let's tackle it in the simplest way possible.

I love to make complicated systems and processes as simple as possible for everybody.

I call this my way of needing to dumb it down for myself. I've learned how to take big, complex ideas and make them so simple I could teach them to my seven-year-old. The big payoff of this topic is going to be really feeling lighter because you'll learn how to let go of things and people who no longer serve us.  Instead, let's make space for what truly brings us joy and happiness.

Sometimes, in the world of business, we think because someone's paying us, we have a client, that we should keep them even if they're just not the right client.

Sometimes they are holding you back from opening up space to take more of the right clients. Don't be afraid to say no, especially if somebody is not the right fit for your business and they're not a client that you want to serve.  It's totally OK to be selective about which customers you serve.  Let me tell you a story, when I first started doing hair, I thought every single human that had hair on their head, whether it was three strands, or six million strands, that they were the right fit for me.

I figured I'll take anybody. I wanted lots of clients. So you head out into the world without any direction or overall purpose for what you're trying to accomplish.

And then you might wake up and think, oh, this is not what I thought. Then you might decide, you know what I don't like or I'm not good at curly hair. So you ask, why am I still doing this? I'm not good and I suck at it. So I should probably specialize in the type of hair that I really love to do, something that brings you joy. 

And somebody else loves to do men's cuts. Somebody else loves to do curly hair and somebody else loves to do color. Somebody else loves to do long layers. That's all fine, but you need to go after the type of clients that make your heart sing and make you best and highlight your skill set on.

I have a friend that owns a marketing company and she specializes in non-profits. She can help anybody and anybody who has a business with their marketing.

But she has a purpose in her business and in a life purpose of helping non-profits. That's where her heart is. So it makes the most sense for her to serve clients in the nonprofit space. She doesn't have to take on everybody now. It doesn't mean that she doesn't she does take on a lot of other small business clients, but she gets to pick and choose who she loves to work with. And that's what I'm talking about for you.

Make sure that you are able to be in a place and space that you are letting go of clients who don't serve you. If you have a client who is never nice, is always draining and exhausting, doesn't want to pay, and is always complaining about how much things cost, doesn't want to pay, isn't appreciative of what you deliver then drop that customer immediately.

You don't need that person in your life and that's OK. And if you need permission, I'm here to give you some permission. Right now, you are more than capable of having clients who love and adore you and want to spend money with you and attract more of them into your life.  Don't live in this world of false reality thinking that you have to take every customer.  You will be doing that client a huge favor by letting them go see somebody else who may be a better fit for them. Don't be shy about that. I always love to serve clients who we make happy. It brings me joy. It makes me excited. And also we have great conversations, and we have a deep, meaningful connection.

Those are the type of clients I love to serve most in the salon. Those are the type of staff members I love to have on my team. Those are the type of friendships I like to have. Having deep, purpose-driven, meaningful conversations is something that brings me joy. If that annoys somebody, they will hate every minute that they're with me. So they need to find somebody who works for them.

When I am coaching and training business owners, I need to know more about their life and their purpose, what they stand for, what's important. I have a whole deep dive process of asking questions that reveal this so I can determine if this is the right client for me and my Beyond Common Coaching and Consulting.  I want to be certain that we can serve them because it does no good to take on clients that you cannot make happy.

If they're not going to be happy with your services, don't waste your time. Don't waste their time. They'll have more love and respect for you because you set them free. Same thing with your business. Be very clear about the type of team member you want to add because if somebody is all about rainbows and sunshine and you talk about cold and Steel all day, you guys are not going to mesh.  You're going to be miserable and your client is going to be miserable.



Tracey Watts Cirino Blog

Being very clear about that from the beginning will save you time, money, and energy.

And that's vital because you want to free yourself up to attract somebody that's more into what it is that you do, what you stand for, what you sell. So don't be afraid of letting go of things that no longer fit for you in your life.

I know that this was really hard for me because you just think, oh, well, this person is going to be so disappointed. You know what? Honestly, sometimes they might be in the moment, but they will come to thank you, and they will realize that it wasn't the right fit.

We would always hear this in the salon.  My God, everybody who works here is so nice. I love coming in here. They always know my name.  The clients didn't feel like they were just a time slot, but a person, a human being with a name. Sally is here. Oh my goodness. Are you so happy to see Sally? We train for that. That's why everyone's nice here. The other big secret, don't tell anyone this is either, but we only hire nice people. That's the other thing and no offense, if over time they became not nice, they either laughed because they realize themselves that our culture of happiness and joy wasn't working for them anymore, and they either eliminated themselves or we let them go.

It's OK to stand really clear on what you stand for and what you represent. And  don't be upset about letting go of people and things that don't serve that anymore.

It's OK. I know in the very beginning I used to freak out, but later, I got a thicker skin or become older and wiser, but I realized that it's not about me. It's not about you. It's not about your ego. You have to let it go and understand that people need to do what's best for them. They need to do what's best for their own growth and development. And it has nothing to do with you. And it's so much better for you to take the time and recognize, you know what? This relationship isn't working for me anymore.

This client, no matter what I do, I cannot make them happy. I need to let them go so I can make space for clients that I can serve at a higher level.

Not only will you earn more revenue, but you'll be happier. To me, that's like the triple win that we're looking for. So don't be afraid about getting really clear about what you personally stand for. What is your why? Why do you do what you do? What's that personal vision and mission of what you're doing?  And then ask yourself this:  when it comes to your business in your company, what do you stand for? Who do you enjoy serving? Who do you want to attract more of? When you answer these questions, you are able to really come from a place of joy and satisfaction.  There's a sense of fulfillment when you're working with clients that you align with that way. And when you have people on your team that embody your mission and vision fully, and even if you're not in the building, it seems like everybody is happy and they're taken care of at that high level. That is really important.

If you continue to allow clients, staff members, or friends in your life that are bringing you down, you cannot keep leveling up and elevating your life experience to serve the rest of your clients, staff members, your family at the higher level that you need to. So this is one of those things that to kind of put your oxygen mask on yourself, be clear about what is working for you, do that first, and then let them go.  That's how you're going to be able to serve and continue to influence and lead everybody else who truly needs you.

In the very beginning, in one of my first businesses, we had a team member that just kept saying all the right things, like, oh, I'm doing this and doing that. But then nothing was ever coming to fruition. Oh, I tried this. I did this. They kept saying, OK, I did it, I did it, I did it. But there were no results.

We were spending as a team collectively so much time and energy coaching and training, but we were getting nowhere.  I realized that during the months we were training this person and getting nowhere, we could have probably hired four other people that would have taken 10 percent of it to heart.  And we'd have been so much better off. But because we are kind and because we liked her, we continued putting up with this.  Now, I know it's hard, but if you're sacrificing your time and energy without positive results, it's going to piss people off and they're going to get frustrated. So it's so much better to let them go. And then we when it comes to clients, I have to say I consider myself to be one of those very lucky people in almost every business I've had, especially with coaching and training business owners, they are my favorite clients. I literally could talk, hang out and just chat all day long with business owners.

I love to hear all about how their brains work, how entrepreneurs break stuff down, and come up with solutions that solve people's problems. This is my happy place. I love serving my clients so much. I absolutely would do it for free but the fact that I get paid to do it is amazing! Pinch me. I'm so excited.

It was the same when I'm doing hair.  I was very blessed to attract people into my life who were business owners and leaders.  They wanted to look and feel great, and I combined the best of all these worlds

Have a hotlist of the best clients possible. If you really clarify what the best client is for you to take care of, then you will attract those folks and better able to let go of the ones who are not helping your business grow.

Because I was always really clear about who I like to work with, I attracted a certain type of client who really wants to have the best but is just slightly struggling and needs a little help just clarifying and getting more focused on exactly what it takes to hit those revenue marks.  We often worked to develop a training program that helped them achieve their goals.

And that's like my perfect client.  Someone who has already achieved really great success, but needs helping to accomplish the next objectives. And I love working with these business owners, especially women, so much. It's fabulous.

In the salon, I love to do color. I love to create a haircut and color that works synergistically together to make you look and feel your absolute best. It's so exciting to create someone's signature look. I love making people feel confident. It's exciting to look in the mirror and feel great yourself. And  I've always been really clear about that. If someone just wants a simple haircut that didn't care about her hair and didn't care about color, she's not going to be a good fit for me.  I'm not going to be able to serve her in the way that she needs.   But a different type of salon stylist that is just like doing it as a job might be a way better fit for her.  Think about what's important to you and what's best for the client. If you are really clear about what kind of clients you want to serve, you'll attract more of them into your life.  Then, you won't feel insecure about letting people go who aren't a good fit.

And this can be hard to do, especially in the creative space and with hairdressers.  We all have big bleeding hearts and we want to help save the world. Awesome nurses really think that we can help everybody. And I am here to tell you that you have to first help yourself, make sure you set yourself up so that you and your business are strong and stable on all fronts. Then you will be able to help so many others.

There's that saying that says people will come into your life for a reason. For a season or for a lifetime, so there will be some people that you'll be friends with or who will be your clients for life.

Sometimes people are just in your life to teach you a lesson. They're here for that one reason -- to teach you the lesson. After that, maybe they had to move to California because that's where their life took them. But they taught you something important. 

Don't be shy about letting go of people that are holding you back because there are people out there that will love you, support you and really get your message, really get what you're trying to accomplish. So just know that there are no hard feelings. This is never about making someone else feel bad. It's just about making yourself feel good. People ask me, are there any tools and resources or things that can make letting go of things easier?

And the best tools that I found in this area are meditation, yoga, journaling.

I've also used an app called Headspace. And that is a really great tool to just make sure are spending time meditating.

There's just some clarity that comes with stillness sometimes, like journaling, writing things down when you're really angry, at the moment that you're super aggravated and someone has literally pissed you off and you are so angry.  Rather than spewing all that hatred somewhere, grab the pen and write it out and then look at that, because that will really help you start to clarify and fine-tune.   I have found this technique to be really helpful.

I do a lot of brain dumping. I am always a student and a work in progress, life is not a lesson that you can ever totally learn. But I am Sicilian and American Indian, so I have a lot of rage in my ancestral lineup, so I have learned over the years to calm down and chill out about stuff.  I get called the Velvet Hammer a lot because I have a lot of that hot-headedness.

But I find that if I take pen to paper and I really write out why this is angering me, I might find that I didn't have the things around me that were serving me and I wasn't surrounding myself with people that I really could serve properly. Writing will guide you into being more in tune with what is right for you because we all have we just all have different choices to make. Do not feel bad about letting go of stuff! To create space for new things that you want and will bring you more joy & happiness.

Make sure that you come up with something that helps you through this. You might need to hire a business coach. You might need some more worksheets to walk you through stuff. We have a bunch of those resources available. go to and check out some of our different resources, like the 12 Business Secrets to help get you started with thinking through what really is successful for you and your business. Or even for my Beyond Common Goal Setting Guidebook.

 Beyond Common  12 Essentials for Success in Life and in the Workplace. We have these great resources for you, as well as free training on my youtube channel and Beyond Common Business Secrets Podcast. There are groups that you can become affiliated with.  Sometimes, it's just important to get out there. So don't hesitate to still get out and try new things, because sometimes by trying new things, you'll let go of what no longer serves you.

I hope you’ve found these ideas helpful and that you can get yourself unstuck from falling in these loops that trap us into doing the same thing and thinking we're going to get a different result. You don't want that. We want to constantly be growing and developing new skills that push us forward. Do not feel bad or stuck in the fact that you need to let go of people, habits, and things that no longer serve you. I know this one isn't that easy, but it is a simple process that you can take yourself through.

As always, I wish you much success in both your life in business, and I cannot wait to talk with you soon!

With Gratitude,

Tracey Watts Cirino


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